There was a time in my life when I would lie in bed at night staring at the ceiling silently wondering: What am I doing with my life? My days blurred together, and the signs were everywhere – I stopped eating lunch, I woke up with anxiety, and began losing weight rapidly. I found myself crying on the way to work, holding back tears at my desk, feeling like I had nothing left to give. My body was breaking down. My skin changed, my hair thinned, my menstrual cycle changed. I was the skinniest I had been in years – and the saddest.
Then came the moment I’ll never forget: I had to be driven to the emergency room by my roommate on a late Sunday night. I thought I was having a heart attack, I had shooting pains up my left arm that were spreading into my chest. I felt strange and knew something wasn’t right. The doctors could not figure out what happened and prescribed me medication for vasospasms (which is apparently a common condition women experience, and is not well understood). The medication started to give me side effects that impacted my ability to work. I did not have enough sick time or PTO to cover any down time and as a young woman I had to request short term disability.
I felt humiliated. Defeated. Powerless. Like I had completely failed at being a functioning adult.
Just a few weeks after, my 13 year old cat passed away, my soul was crushed. I was at a loss. I knew things could technically get worse, but I sure felt like I was at rock bottom. I knew I had to be the one to do something for myself. There was no one and nothing that could save me.
This was my new beginning.
My emotional state was such that I didn’t want to do anything for myself, I wanted to wither away. But thankfully my mind refused, I had too many dreams to fulfill, I had too many people I wanted to take care of. And I ended up making myself a promise, a promise to start with the small things, something as simple as putting lotion on after every shower.
I did not break my promise to myself, and it began to spread into other small acts like brushing my hair before bed and drinking a glass of water. These simple rituals helped me rewire my brain to realize that I am worth caring for. Little by little, I began to trust myself again. I wanted to live, not just survive.
These weren’t grand, Instagrammable changes. But they were powerful. They reminded me that healing doesn’t always look like running a marathon or quitting your job or becoming a new person. Sometime it looks like staying. Staying with yourself, in your body. Staying present.
For years, I broke promises to myself. I said I’d rest, eat all my meals, say no, create boundaries, finish the project I started – but I didn’t. I abandoned myself over and over again in the name of work, performance, and perfection. But slowly, those little acts of self-devotion helped me rebuild that trust. I began to believe in my ability to keep showing up for myself. I began to believe that I was worthy of a life that felt alive.
I wasn’t trying to force a transformation. I was simply opening the door for one to come in gently, patiently. I started creating a space for my soul to simply be.
This blog is for the women who are exhausted but still dreaming. For the women who cry in silence. For the ones who show up every day with a smile while carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. For the ones who need someone to tel them: You don’t need to live like this.
You deserve softness. You deserve nourishment. You deserve to live a life that reflects your soul – not just your schedule.
We don’t live to work. We work to live – to feel joy, to build meaning, to take care of ourselves and the people we love. You are not disposable. Your body, your mind, your soul – they are sacred.
If you remember one thing from this post, let it be this: Your life is more valuable than any paycheck. You only ever have one moment – the present – so make it yours.
And if you’re just beginning to heal, I want you to know: I see you. And we’re going to get through it, together.
With love, Your Wellness Sister
Awaken Her 
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